Denying Ambition

Here I finally am

… sitting in a windowless room six stories above a downtown parking lot, in a room full of red eyes, loosed ties and security guards all dressed in black. I am poised not to unleash my emotions as the woman calmly speaks to me, she is silently begging me to maintain my composure probably because many before me did not.

I hate the feeling of being in a pivotal moment and not being able to ask the right questions. This is my opportunity to make a bold and enduring statement that will change the minds of many.

I took the liberty of pouring my self a glass of scotch, took a long sip while holding my eyes to hers.  Upon raising my empty glass in front of the calm woman I gently told her to cut to the chase, give me my belongings and send me on my way.  I wanted this to be quick and painless.

Her response was delivered mechanically, undoubtedly from saying the same words to others like me all day long. She conveyed a disconnected pity with her eyes, gesticulating gently while holding my gaze. Yes, it was her gentility which I admired most. Someone younger would have conveyed the wrong impression; she was more like a mother sending her child out on his first day of school. Her words went over my head.

I really admired her, though I must say again, that admiration was partially based in pity.

After collecting my belongings from the security guard I walked outside onto the sidewalk.  It was dark, blustery, cold and raining – perfect really, I thought as I walked through the streets. I wrote goodbye emails as I waited for my train and made a few phone calls effectively ending a stage of my life.

Wow… back to square one.

One thought on “Denying Ambition

  1. This is a really great piece, it speaks to me in an all-too-familiar way. Here’s to new beginnings!

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