Posts Tagged ‘love’
And so it began – the chaotic void of all space and time stirred,
and contracted, and breathed in explosive thought.
In a pop and a crack and a bang there was love, and love lived
in ignorant bliss. Space and time sat around love,
watched it grow, and had it do great things for them.
Over time, love spread across space and time to the point of infinity,
of near-motionlessness, and it was at this point that love grew lonely.
Time and space felt this longing for awareness and understanding,
and knew what love needed. Love needed life.
Love needed life to be loved.
Time and space had love create life,
and with sweet satisfaction, it gave birth
to the moons, the planets, and the stars.
The elements of life stirred and swirled in a universe of color,
and love no longer knew what it meant to be lonely.
When you close yourself off from the world, you close your understanding of things that it presents to you. For example, your hearing. When you’re wearing headphones and you can’t hear anything outside, the world is empty of sound. There is no real understanding of it, and whatever is said can be manipulated and distorted beyond normal recognition. There is no explanation for the silence, nothing except what we make of it. The same goes for our other senses, each with their own way of understanding the world around us. Each, working together, brings a truly remarkable understanding of one’s self.
The essence of the sun shows us, in the emptiness of space, objects of reflection. It shows us that we exist – one thing looking at the other, the other looking back – an infinite respect and understanding that there is something else out there. Do you see the constant back and forth? This is this because this is this. A rose is a rose is a rose, a trinity Gertrude Stein saw all too well.
But if we were to step away from it with a third-person perspective on all things, we would understand the true experience of life, living on a marble of water and fire and earth and wind, the four elements of life that provide self-awareness on an unmeasurable scale. We are blessed with cognitive thought, and cursed with it’s emotional reactions. Love and hate, the strongest feelings we have, are synonymous. It all depends on your connection to the thing, your attraction, your attention. Why do you hate, why do you love? Reasons for this are hard to explain without emotion, without self-awareness.
El Paso, TX
El Paso is an expansive suburban sprawl. Between mountains and valleys are ubiquitous mini mansions built with palm wood, stone, and red clay. The opportunity for unique, independent, interior design is lost in the faceless repetition of homes. Lawns with burnt-yellow grass are redeemed by epic Italian pines that seem anything but indigenous. Everything is spaced out and requires transportation. The roads are unrestricted playgrounds for billboard signage. Driving down I-10, there are as many ads on the highway as there are on the internet. Couple that with aggressive drivers who drink while driving, and I’m not surprised to hear how high the driver-fatality rate is.
But that’s just El Paso and its massive roads. The heart of my experience here belongs to my uncle. While we drive, observe the scene, and see the evolution of his achievements, he is coming to terms with divorce. He talks of mistakes that feel like opportunities left to wilt. Quotations from a former life begin to resonate with us, such as “nothing ventured, nothing gained,” and I get the feeling he would give it all up to show his family how good a father he is. Instead, he now belongs to a community of bachelors who have a fringe-like influence on their children.
“You got to teach them how to shave,” I tell him as we drive away from the park where his ex-wife and kids are hanging out with other single mothers and their kids. He and I brought them doughnuts from Krispy Kreme. Minutes out of the day belong to bonding experiences shared between him and his two young, impressionable sons. He doesn’t blame his ex-wife. He blames himself. His work and his hobbies filled a void that family simply couldn’t. That was before he realized how important family is. In the absence of love, he would likely say, there is a void. To fill a void, you need a vacuum.
“… – “
“Honey, tell me what’s wrong.”
“… – “
“If you don’t tell me what’s wrong, it means you’re breaking up with me.”
I stayed silent, looking in her eyes with a sad expression. She knew.
I nodded my head wearily, only once, as if ashamed. I was ashamed. I broke the heart of an angel.
On a warm spring night, up high on the hill,
you can see a great night, filled with stars so bright.
On those nights, another star fills the void.
The moon… the full and true.
The wax and wane shows more than you can imagine,
a feeling, an emotion, a thought and a dream.
Every change it brings a new idea to life.
The moon… the full and true.
Tonight the moon crosses high over our heads,
its graceful face, so solemn, so alone.
It always gives light and direction,
we owe it our thanks for coming back to us each night.
Oh, over this horizon the moon remembers the day that comes,
everyday and everynight, a solemn dance around the bits and the bites.
So let us rest our heads and think of blessings and
moments of ecstacy that bring us eternal happiness.
And we will live forever in the harmony we wish upon the moon.